Thursday, July 26, 2012

Scout camp, and thoughts on motherhood

I was having an awesome time being a walker at scout camp this week. I love being outdoors,working with the boys, and being involved with the BSA. It's been great. I don't even mind having to be there every day, which they require for the tiger cubs. In fact I'll probably walk every day next year too.

Then Nate threw up in the car on the way to camp today. Ugh. We dropped off his brother and came home, and I started to resume my normal morning. Then I realized something: I'm depressed.

I couldn't put my finger on it at first. I was more upset than the boy. But then I realized that I love being busy, I love being outdoors, and I love being around people. Especially the great folks I meet in scouting. When I sit in my house I get none of that. And yes I have a lot to do around here, but in recent months I've pretty much blown it all off, spending my days online instead. Something subtle is happening in our family, the almost imperceptible growth of my boys. They still need me, but not nearly as much. The truth is, I need to find something to do.

Now, I don't want to go back to the 8-5 thing. This week, while awesome, is also exhausting. We all arrive home grouchy at 6pm and nobody wants to cook dinner and we bicker until we fall into bed at nine. Plus the house is kind of a wreck, which I'm not totally used to either. However I have talents like everyone else and it's time to dust them off!

It's tempting to just throw myself into the kids' activities. While I have no intention of easing up in my involvement, I also see the pitfall: what do you do when your kid no longer wants to do that activity? If all your friends are baseball moms or you are passionate about being the den leader, that will makes lot of friction when your kid wants to do something new. It's a lot to think about.

Anyway, my little guy is on the couch sipping 7-up and watching something about rockets. I leave you with the little sunfish he caught yesterday :-)


7 comments:

  1. Hmmmmm lots to think about. I'm a few years away from this too. I can feel it. Your right, it's tempting just to throw ourselves into the kids activities but we need our own outlet. I totally get that. Wish I had more insight or thoughts. Just want you to know, I'm here, totally agreeing with what you are feeling and hoping you find your "thing" :)

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    1. Thank you so muck! I'm having an Eeyore kind of day, lol

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  2. awwwww...poor little guy, hope he's better soon. I totally get throwing yourself into kids activities, it's so hard to find balance. I must say that I'm loving creating with my daughter lately, she really has an eye and is natural at just about any craft we try...That boy is too stinkin' cute with his fish!

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    1. Balance has never been my strong suit, but I'm trying!
      My guy was so proud of his fish!
      Creating with my boys was some I really looked forward to and this year they are not as into it. It's all a little different this summer.

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  3. I guess when my kids needed me less, I knitted more projects. Read more books. It gets very very busy when the middle school years start and they need transportation after school. During high school was the busiest. My only time to myself was during school hours then after that was dinner prep, tennis games, band concerts, football games. I enjoyed every minute of it and I volunteered to be involved (never a leader).

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  4. OK, I guess I'm going to take a different view than your other commenters, based on maybe different life experience. While I completely get not wanting to jump back into the 8 to 5 grind again, I think you should start looking for a satisfying part-time work gig. Since it's about applying your talents not necessarily making a lot of money, you can afford the luxury to look around for the right thing. I often see part-time postings that look really rewarding, where I think the hours would be flexible, but maybe the pay is a little stinko. I have friends who have followed that course and years later, when their kids were grown, had it open a door to some satisfying next career. Those are my two cents! Good luck!!

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  5. We've reached the end of camp and I can definitely see me leading a den or working at camp, lol. I'm ready to find a passion here!

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